Serene sands at Shell Island. Photo Karen Dolman, 2019

This post is a bit retrospective as it’s a bit late. I actually pressed the submit button three weeks ago, but have been so busy with life, holidays and work that I havent had a chance to do this! (And not that I have been procrastinating, perish the thought!).

So. I. Did. It. I pressed the button. There was much faff that day, but it was worth the rechecking as, somewhere along the line, somehow, I had managed to lose my CV. Poof. Disappeared. Gone. Where??? I have no clue. But fortunately, rather than my usual laissez faire attitude, I decided to do one last, thorough, check…good job. THE crucial piece of evidence, MIA. Or missing, presumed fed, to quote my idol.

I managed eventually to find the latest version in an email to my mentor, fortunately, and re-uploaded it, much to my relief. Everything else was in order, so it was time…I paid the fee, which was accepted, and there was no more messing. “Just push the button”, said my colleague, who had put up with me mithering and dithering for most of the day. So, I did. And I have to admit, the feelings that washed over me where…unexpected. First there was accomplishment: I had done it! Finally! After all this time, effort and procrastination, I had submitted. Then, the fall. What will I do now? What’s next…? At this point, I felt like bursting into tears (blame my age…if you dont value your life…), which I hadnt expected at all. It was as if I had lost some vital part of my life, life-changing in fact…

So, I am now waiting to hear from CILIP as to whether my submission has been successful. I got the acceptance email the following day, which was a relief, so I know they have it. I just have to wait, but am filling my time with other stuff (such as holidays) to keep my mind off it (I’ve just seen an email pop up about buying books from a colleague: we’ve been given some money to spend on Books on Prescription and Mood Boosting Books so that is what we are spending today doing – or writing blog posts. Sorry…).

But I keep thinking that I have invested such a huge amount of effort and life into this process and now they are making me wait? It’s a killer, I tell you. Is it worth it, I think…?

Yes, it was all worth it, every last bit of it, is the answer. All the worry, doubt, screaming habdabs, the lot. It’s all going to be worth it for my career, my job satisfaction, my sense of personal accomplishment. And it was worth it for one absolutely crucial thing that needed to happen…

Yes, we were going to the pub! 🙂